Exploration

I have done what I feared I would never do again. As of yesterday afternoon I have left the Library to see a bit of the world. I had no pressing tasks for the Librarian, and he has never begrudged me some time outside. It is my own fear that has kept me from leaving. I remember almost nothing of my time before the Library, but I know that something horrible happened.

I do not exactly remember the emotions from before, but there is an echo of fear and loss that I can remember as though it happened to someone else. This I expect was left to me as a reminder of why I chose this path. When I was younger, I could ignore this warning and allow my curiosity to entice me outside, but I do not believe I had done so for a century before yesterday. A lot has changed in that time. I am not uninformed of these changes, of course, but all the same it is a very different thing to know of planes and cars and other such dramatic developments than it is to see them first hand.

This time is fascinating, so many people packed together everywhere, so many machines everywhere. Computers I am obviously familiar with, we have had them in the Library for a while. Cars I saw before, though of course they were slower and there were far fewer of them. Airplanes I had never seen. Skyscrapers, highways, the dizzying array of shops and restaurants, all of those are new to me, at least in their current form.

The stares, those are not new. Even now, in an era so supposedly enlightened, the looks I get for wearing the clothing of my former faith, my former culture, those are all the same. The suspicion, the disgust, the hatred, the fear. But stares cannot hurt me with the Librarian to protect me from any serious harm, so I ignored them.

For now I have procured a hotel room. I could have gone home, I suppose. I could even have left again in the morning, but I know that if I leave I may not have the courage to return for another hundred years.

Apologies

I seem to have let time get away from me. That happens sometimes, time works differently here and if I'm not careful I miss days, weeks, or sometimes years in the outside world. But I am still reading and watching, I promise you. I so very much wish I could do something concrete to aid you all, but all I know to do is keep reading and contributing what small wisdoms I can.

Time moves so much faster out there. I have not left the Library in a long time, and things are slower here. Nothing is rushed, everything moves at this leisurely pace. I can watch years go by, decades or even centuries sometimes. I am beginning to realize that this has made me detached. Perhaps I have been here too long. I love my place here, I love the infinite knowledge surrounding me and the safety and peace my service has brought me. I do not wish to lose any of this or leave it behind.

And yet, there comes a time where to learn you have to experience something instead of just reading about it. Perhaps I must experience something for myself now. I do not know if this new world even has room for me. I have become familiar with certain technologies, such as the computer I am using to type this very post, but society itself is so different now. The land that was once my home is torn by war once again, but this time one fought with bombs and fear. Where could I even go?

Answers

I am flattered to see that you have responded so warmly to my presence. I have been glad to meet each and every one of you. There are so many interesting people here, and I am glad to have the chance to speak with you all.

I admit my life is such a quiet one I do not have much to put up in such a forum as this. I am not running from anything, I am not being hunted, I am merely a passive observer of such events. But I wish to contribute something since I have taken up this small portion of things for myself. I shall have to think on how best to do so. I am not even particularly used to speaking with people, it is rare that I have the opportunity to converse with anyone at all. Even the Librarian comes around only rarely.

He has not visited since I have started writing here, so as of yet I do not know his opinion on the thing. I must, therefore, be cautious, not to say or do anything I should not. But I believe I can still offer some answers, as one of you requested on my last post. If you have a question, you may ask it in the comments and I will answer it if I am able. That, I think, may provide some small measure of aid to you all, and it is all that I can do as of yet.

New Beginnings

I have been watching events for some time now. The recent trend toward blogging is fascinating, and makes gathering information much simpler. I have always been charged with making sure that these memories are kept intact, and I have done so faithfully for many years.

But I admit my curiosity is getting the better of me. I wish to interact with you, not just study you. I am no longer satisfied with being a passive observer. It is somewhat against my mandate, and yet I know He would understand. He is not so cruel as the monsters that plague most of the rest of you.

I do not have much need for posting my own story. Much of it is lost to me, and the rest is not particularly notable. My life is one of peaceful contentment. But it seems fair to show a small bit of myself to you all in return for all of the knowledge I gain from you.